THE SECRET BEHIND SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP IN THE LORD

INTRODUCTION:

God is the author of of relationships. Relationship cut across all areas of our lives. There are certain requirements for relationships based on it's types. It is true that many often fail in their relationships. So, we want to uncover the secrets behind a successful relationship between a bachelor and a spinster who are looking up to marriage.

DEFINITION:

1. Secret simply means, "knowledge that is hidden and intended to be kept hidden" We have to leak the secrets today!

2. Successful means, " resulting in success, assuring, or primitive of, success, accomplishing what was proposed, having the desired effect, prosperous, furtunate, happ"

3. Relationship means, " connection or association, the condition of being related."

4. 'in the Lord': A careful study of the use of this adverbial phrase in the Bible means according to the Lord's ( Christ's) teaching. See 1Cor. 7:39, Eph 6:1, Col.3:18.

Therefore, we are discussing the secrets behind successful relationship according to the teachings of Jesus Christ.

Before I give us the tips, just think deeply on these statements.

- Relationship is not for children, but for adult of marriageable age.

- Any child who dabbles into a relationship before time will surely get hurt.

- When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable.

- Insanity is doing a thing the same way and expecting a different result.

Now, let's consider the secrets, though not arranged in any particular order

SECRETS TO SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP FOLLOWS:

1. KNOW YOURSELF. You must take your time to discover who you really are. You must know your temperament. Your must know your strengths and weaknesses. Know your medical status. You may need the counsel of a psycologist and a medical doctor. A good knowledge of yourself is needed before thinking of having a partner.

2. GET A VISION:

Vision is "an idea or goal towards which one aspires". You must have a vision for your life. You can't move like the waves of the sea to just anywhere. You must become visionary. This means having vision or foresight. Someone with a vision is one having positive ideas about his or her future. A visionary person is goal-oriented, ambitious, objective, purposeful and also aspires for the best. If you are a man of vision, you attract a lot of sisters. Then, it becomes easy to choose. Sisters want to marry men who have vision in all areas of their lives.

3. SET REALISTIC GOALS. You have to break down your vision into short, medium and long term goals. Then pursue them. You must set goal for your intended relationship. It must be legalistic.

4. BE PRAYERFUL :

Prayer is key to success generally. You must constantly pray for your future endeavors. You must start to pray for the kind of relationship and marriage you will like to have before time.

5. LOVE GOD AND OBEY HIM.

You must be spiritual minded. You will succeed if your relationship is built upon the solid rock of the word of God. Seek and be among God's people always.

6. BE PREPARED:

There is a saying that goes, " He who fails to plan is planning to fail" You must prepare physically, financially, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and educationally. If you are a brother, make sure you have a house you live in-rented or built, a steady source of income, etc before seeking to start a relationship. Sisters want to be sure that you will be able to take good care of all forms of their needs. If you are a sister, do something that earns you money so that you will be able to support your husband. This will gain you respect from your husband. Sisters should not expect their fiance to start paying all their bills while just starting a relationship.

7. KNOW YOUR PARTNER.

It's important for brothers to study their intended partners even before approaching approach them. While the relationship has started. This studies continues.

8. MIND YOUR APPROACH.

Most men don't know how to approach women. Some brothers are not left out. This is why sisters often times reject them outrightly. Brothers should learn to approach sisters with respect. Don't ask a sister to be your girlfriend, she might just reject you. Ask her to be your Christian sister and a friend. Grow friendship first. Show her love. Tell her you love her. Give her the assurance that the relationship is heading for marriage. Only say what you mean and only mean what you say. Sister wants to be sure that you truly love and really want to marry her. Don't be in a hurry for her to accept to court you. In fact, be the one to tell her to take her time out to think before getting back to you. Be patient for her response. If you don't know how to approach her, let a mature brother or sister do it for you before you come into the picture. First impression matters a lot.

9. NEVER EXPECT PERFECTION:

Only look for a perfect partner if you are one. But if you know you are not perfect, then expect imperfection from your would-be partner. Men should know that God wants them to groom their partners. The grooming starts when in a relationship and continues in marriage. Sisters, know that you can't get Mr right since you are not Miss right. You need someone who loves God and is willing to learn how to overcome his weaknesses. Many sisters are unmarried because of this mistake. Don't be a victim.

10. COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY.

Effective communication is the engine that drives a relationship. You must master the art. Poor communication skills will ruin your relationship. Mind what you say, when to say and how to say it to your partner in your relationship. Relationship often starts well, but when there is breakdown in communication, such relationship may hit the rock and may never be revived. Settle differences immediately. Communicate daily and in fact many times in a day.

11. LEARN TO APOLOGIZE.

Most men feel too big to say sorry when they are wrong. Some women a r sad also hardened. They consider it belittling themselves if they say sorry. You must learn to apologize always, sometimes even when you are right.

12. FORGIVE ALWAYS.

If God forgives us of all our sins, how much more we mere mortals. Often times, we refuse to forgive. This endangers our relationships. We must be ready and willing to forgive our partners even before being wronged. Remember, if you don't forgive men their trespasses neither will God forgive you. It means your prayers will be abominable before God. Forgive and keep your relationship alive.

13. KNOW HOW TO COOK.

Both brothers and sisters must master the art of cooking before thinking of going into relationship that is leading to marriage. This is because after marriage, when one is weak, the other who is strong will take care of the weak one. I pity men who don't know how to cook because they will surely eat outside when their wives are not at home. Brothers, sisters want to hear that you can cook for yourself. This makes them feel safe because they know they will need you to do that when they are pregnant or have just given birth. Brothers abandon sisters who cannot cook before marriage. So, prepare for courtship and marriage by becoming a good cook. In fact the ability to take care of the home generally is needed. This is because relationship is to be continued in marriage.

14. ALLOW ROOM FOR PRIVACY.

You don't have to intrude into the privacy of your partner always. Allow him or her some privacy. Stop searching his or her phones and questioning him or her about everything. Stop policing him or her. Stop monitoring his or her every movement. You will likely accuse him or her falsely. This may spell doom for that relationship. Stop constituting yourself to be a private investigator to him or her because this will be interpreted as lack of trust. This has ruined many relationships. Yours should not be next.

15. KILL PRIDE.

Many people are very proud of themselves and their achievements. They look down on others. This often takes over a person's entire being and makes him or her not to see the best in others. Pride is manifest when a person becomes boastful. He or she becomes the centre of reference in almost every discussion. The Bible says that pride goes before a fall. Many sisters have remained unmarried till old age as a result of pride in their lives. They reject and look down on brothers. This brothers do go out and convert women and marry, while sisters remained single. Sisters do this because of their beauty, financial status, social standing, educational qualification, etc. Many sisters who felt victim of pride are regretting it. Don't be the next victim!

16. BE HUMBLE.

Humility attracts honour, respect, favour and friendship. It makes for peace in a relationship. So, wear humility, especially as a sister. One of the things brother look for in a partner is her level of humility. So wear it and let it overwhelm you.

17. MASTER THE LAW OF SILENCE.

The law of silence demands that you have the ability to remain calm in certain situations. You must learn to be quiet sometimes. You need to listen more than you talk. You need to be calculative in your speech. You need to meditate on somethings said to you first before you respond. There are sometimes that silence becomes the only answer that guarantees peace. However, don't ignore your partner when he or she talks to you. You can put a discussion forward until you are ready to handle it. Note that verbal wounds hurt more that literally wounds and takes a longger time to heal. Be careful!

18. ANTICIPATE TEST.

Your partner may decide to test you on a number of issues. They test is geared towards determining whether you are still steadfast to your promise to him or her. It might be to determine what kind of husband or wife you will be when both of you gets married. It might be to see how much you love God. It might be to determine what you really want from him or her. Think we'll first, before you respond to questions or demands that seem tempting. If you are not careful, you will fail his or her test because it will come to you as a surprise. Be alert. Anticipate them before they come. If you fail, he or she may feel you are unserious and may leave you.

19. LOVE YOUR FAMILY.

If you are a man, love your family members, especially your mother. If you love your mother you will be able to love your wife. If you are a woman, love your family members, especially your father. If you love your father, you will be able to love your fiance and your husband later.

20. LEARN THE ART OF GIVING

You must learn to give, give and give. Step expecting and collecting all the time. Men generally don't like women who are too demanding. So, find something to do so you can surport your partner.

21. DON'T DOUBLE DATE.

There are some brothers who go out with two to fours sisters promising to marry them. There are also many sisters who do same. There are some sisters who promise to marry one brother whereas are still going out with others and collecting things from others. At the long run, all may disappoint her, perhaps after messing her up. Stick to one person and be committed to the relationship.

22. APPRECIATE.

Always appreciate one another. When your partner does something good to you, don't fail to say thank you. Even though it is very small favour, still appreciate. This will attract more love, peace and care to you. It strengthens the relationship.

23. HAVE SENSE OF HUMOUR.

Women generally get attracted to humorous men. Brothers, make sure you joke at times to create a happy atmosphere for proper communication. Humorous people are very interesting people. So, try to be one.

24. BE ROMANTIC.

Brother, learn to tell your fiancee that she is beautiful, tell her she has lovely eyes, tell her she has lovely voice, tell her that her hair or dress is beautiful. Tell her that she is always neat. Tell her all the sweetest things she likes to hear. Above all, tell her that you love her and that she is the best thing that has ever happen to you. Mention that you can't trade her for another. Buy her surprise gifts, most especially what she likes. If you fail to do these things, be sure that an unbeliever will do them and before you know it, she will fall for it. Women easily get carried away by those sweet words. Sisters, brothers also want to hear you speak sweetly to them. You violate no scripture for saying these things to make one another happy. You only master the art of making one another happy.

25. LEARN TO SAY NO TO SEXUAL IMMORALITY.

Know that sexual immorality is a very serious sin before man and God. Abstinence is the key. Flee fornication( 1Cor. 6:18). Never visit your partner in secret. Never kiss your partner. Never engage in romance. Don't have sex with him or her till after marriage. Flee anyone who encourages you to. Note that your partner is flesh and blood and that there is the possibility of falling into sin. So, be cautious. Don't ever give room for it to happen. Always make it a law never to have sex before marriage right from the beginning of your courtship and follow that resolve passionately. It is possible to abstain. You can.

26. LOOK GOOD ALWAYS.

Eat well.

Make every possible effort to look good. Your appearance matters a great deal. Your appearance attracts either decent or indecent suitors. If in a relationship already, dress fine. Maintain nice hair style. If possible, find out what hair style, dresses and shoes your partner wants to see you in. Remember that in a relationship, you do things to please one another. However, you must not violate God's commands to please any mortal being.

27. VISIT ONLY WHEN NECESSARY.

You don't have to visit often. Visit in company of fellow Christians. Visit only when expected. Brothers shouldn't just go to a sister's house. Sister will misinterpret your intent. Some families don't want their female children to be visited by any man. They tell their female children that they shouldn't introduce a boyfriend to them. They should only introduce the would-be husband. That means they have to be sure before receiving anything from anyone. So, visit only when you have the approval of the sister and her parents. You can see and talk about your relationship in the church or in the open places.

28. SPEND TIME OUT TOGETHER.

As your relationship is moving on fine, create time to take your partner out. You can visit the cinema, bar beach, fast food, etc. I'm not talking about boyfriend or girlfriend here. I'm discussing serious relationship that is heating marriage soon. Which means family members had given approval to it. Brother, if you don't take your fiancee out, an hour unbeliever will do it and you loose her. Women love good things. They want to be in good places. Sister, you can tell your fiance to take you out. You violate no scripture by doing these things for happiness in your relationship. Get wisdom!

29. BE COMMITTED TO YOUR PARTNER.

Being committed to your partner means you love him or her truly. It means you stay true to him or her. It implies faithfulness. It means loyalty to one another. It means you are content with him or her. It means you give no room for relationship destroyers. You give no room to snatchers. Never play over the intelligence of one another by double dating. Get some senses!

30. DON'T BE AN IMPOSTOR.

Some men play to the gallery just to get women. They tell them all sorts of lies to get them. Once they get them, they start manifesting who they really are. Unfortunately, some brothers follow suit. They deceive sisters by parading themselves to be who they aren't. Some sisters do same. Stop being an hypocrite. Be truthful.Be honest. Don't give someone a false hope.

31. BE OPEN WITH YOUR FINANCE.

Brother, don't hide your finacial status. Let your partner know your income and expenditure items. Sister, open up to your fiance. Openness creates trust. It makes partners plan their lives better. Remember in a relationship, the partners start to think alike, act alike, plan for the rest of their lives together. Relationship quickly translates into marriage when issues of finance are kept open. So, open up today!

32. LET YOUR PARTNER KNOW YOUR INDEPTEDNESS.

You must not live on credit and yet live in pretence. Let him or her know who owes you and who you owe as well as the amount. This will help you to succeed in your relationship. Sudden discovery of this can pose threat to the success of your relationship. So, stop pretending!

33. LET YOUR EX BE EX.

Many Christians pretend to be saints. They start relationship when they surpose not. Some do it as a result of lust. These and many factors often lead to break up. Some times the offended partner in the relationship feels so cheated and deceived. This often affects new relationship that should result in marriage. To overcome the pains in the heart by an ex party in a relationship, you must first forgive and then allow the person to be in your past. Live that ex to the past. Focus on the present wonderful person God is bringing your way. Don't allow the pains of the past to make you feel bad and treat the innocent partner as your ex. Never go back to your ex because the later disappointment may be worst than the previous one. Note: "Once beaten, twice beaten."

34. KILL WORLDLINESS.

Many Christians youths are as worldly as unbelievers. In terms of music, dressing, lifestyle,etc. Things like these affect relationships. It affects sisters most because devoted brothers will not want to court and marry such. Some sisters want to marry a man who lives in a nice flat, has a car, receives huge monthly salaries, etc while such don't even have anything to support the man with. They often reject good suitors while waiting for their 'ready made husbands". Many sisters with this mindset are already above forty years and are still single. The brothers they rejected left them, got married to other sisters, had children who are graduating from higher institutions. Sisters should not bewitched themselves. Sisters should be more spiritual minded.

35. SHOW RESPECT.

Learn to respect yourself. Lear to respect your partner. Remember that respect is a reciprocal. Lack of respect can easily cause break up. No man likes a disrespectful partner for courtship let a lone for marriage. Many sisters lack respect. They should learn that or get ready for break up. In fact the would-be mother in-law would tell the son not to marry a disrespectful girl to avoid marital problems. So, sisters, learn to respect.

36. BE OPTIMISTIC.

Many relationships fail from the beginning. This is as a result of inability to let go of past failed relationship. Because of past failures, some sisters feel that the new suitors would also disappoint them. They often say that all men are the same. Sisters, all men are not the same. There are still good ones. Brothers, don't allow past rejection to condition your mind for another failure. Brothers and sisters, always be optimistic. This is the only known way to succeed. Speak faith into your life. Nots: "so you think, so you become"

37. INVOLVE TRUSTED MARRIED PERSONS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

It's true that experience is the best teacher. Before you go into a relationship, consult a relationship expert. Get tips for successful relationship. This will enable you to know what to expect and what to do. Brother, if you can't go hunting, use a trusted expert to hunt for you before being let in to your partner. Both partners need to carry trusted married persons along in their relationship. This will enable you get quality advice that will enable you to succeed.

Brethren,

We have been looking at secrets of successful relationship in the Lord.

We have considered a lot of tips. Please endeavor to follow them carefully and your relationship will transform into marriage soonest.

Brothers, all the beautiful sisters on this platform are looking up to you to court and marry them.

Sisters, all the handsome brothers on this platform and in our congregations love you and are looking up to courting and marrying you. Don't prefer unbelievers to them.

I married a sister, you too can. The ball is in your court, be goal-oriented in playing it.

Thanks for giving me your time.

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