MARRIAGE, DIVORCE, AND REMARRIAGE.

MARRIAGE, DIVORCE, AND REMARRIAGE.

Calvary greetings to all the children of God.

MARRIAGE.

Marriage instituted by God has suffered serious casualties in the hand of humans. Each generation if men are desperately attempting to recodify its rules, and re-modify its cardinal principles. Marriage ordained by God, did not evolve from social civilization, but human civilizations grow out of Marriage institution!

However, there are various STAGES IN MARRIAGE:

A.     QUALIFICATION STAGE:

KNOWING THE NATURE OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE, GENESIS 2:18-25.

a. Marriage is a Union of Male and Female (union: knit together- Judges 20:11; Isaiah 18:1; 1Chro. 12:17; Act 10:11; Col. 2:2, 19).

b. Marriage ordained by God, did not evolve from social civilization, but civilization grows out of Marriage, Matt. 19:4-6.

c. Marriage is a Union, and not a contract.

d. Oath/Affirmation, Covenant of Marriage is taken before God, not before Man, Prov. 2:17; Mal. 2; 14-15; Ezek. 16: 8, 59.

e. Marriage is the first Divine Institution created/established by GOD.

f. Marriage is Honorable before all, Heb 13:4

g. Marriage is not Wedding.

h. Marriage is different from Ceremony.

i. Marriage is more than Legal Relationship.

j. Marriage is regulated by the Divine Law of GOD, Rom. 7:1-4

k. Marriage is a lifelong commitment.

l. Marriage Union takes place on the Bed, after the Marriage Ceremony.

m. Marriage requires constant adjustments, perseverance, and patience so as to fuse together.

n. Marriage is between an Adult Male and an Adult Female, not for Children.

o. The Man rules the Home, while the Wife submits, Gen. 3:16; Eph. 5: 22-24.

p. Marriage is the authorized place to bring forth, and rear Children.

q. Marriage is for mortals, hence no marriage in Heaven; Marriage not for Angels, Matt. 22:30.

r. God alone joins in Marriage. Matt. 19:6.

s. Sexual relationship is authorized only in the Marriage. 1Cor. 7:3.

t. Marriage is universal in scope, Gen. 2: 21-22; Matt. 19:4.

u. There are three Parties in the Marriage, GOD; MAN; and the WOMAN, Mal 2:14.

 

KNOWING THE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE.

a. According to the WILL of God for Companionship, Gen. 2:18

b. According to the PRAYER of God for Procreation/Reproduction, Gen. 1: 28.

c. Divine measure to prevent Immorality, Fornication/Adultery, Prov. 5:15; 1Cor. 7:1-5.

d. To perfectly exemplify the marital relationship between Jesus Christ, and His Church, Ephesian 5:22-31; Rev. 21:2, 9.

KNOWING THE RELEVANT CONDITIONS BEFORE MARRIAGE:

a. Both must have the capacity to establish an independent home.

b. The Man must have the capacity to feed his family, 1Tim. 5:8.

c. The Man, and the Woman must have the basic knowledge of Marriage before entering into it.

d. Both must be physically, mentally and psychologically ready, and prepared to be joined together in Marriage.

 

B.     CHOICE STAGE:

CHOICE TO MAKE BEFORE PROPOSAL OF MARRY.

ELIGIBILITY:

a. One who has never married before, is eligible to marry, Matt. 19:4-6; 1Cor. 7:2.

b. One who’s Mate/Partner has died, is eligible to marry again, Rom. 7:1-4; 1Cor. 7:39.

c. One who has divorced a Mate/Partner for scriptural reason of Fornication/Adultery, Matt. 19:9.

DANGER: If you intend to marry anyone, who does not fall into any of the three categories itemized above, please STOP IT NOW!!!

SPIRITUALITY:

a. Faith: Gen. 6; Deut. 7; 2Cor. 6:14

b. Commitments to Faith matters.

c. Attendance at the Worship meetings, Heb 10:25.

d. Participation in the Worship.

e. Practice of Faith. Doing the Faith.

f. Scriptural knowledge and understanding.

g. Evidence of Fear of GOD, Shamefacedness, Fornicator, Sinner.

h. Zeal for the things of Faith.

i. Ability to pray, always.

j. How helpful in the Christian Race?

CHARACTER, ATTITUDE AND DISPOSITION:

It is important to know the behavior of who to marry. This could be verified and identified through:

a. The use of Tongue: Manner of speaking.

b. Lover of the World? Outward beauty, or Inward beauty, Prov. 6:17-24.

c. Nature of the Tongue: Lying tongue? Strange Tongue? Flattery Tongue? James 3:13; Prov. 15:2-4; Matt. 12: 34; Luke 6: 45.

d. Lover of Money?

e. Lover of Food?

f. Pool Betting?

g. Lover of Football?

h. Lover of Draught Game?

i. Lover of Vehicle?

j. Lover of Friends?

k. Love to greet?

l. Love to use abusive words?

m. Always ready to fight?

n. Temperament?

o. Hard-worker or Lazy?

p. Vain person or serious person?

q. Shameful person or shameless person?

r. Any other kinds of in-born weaknesses.

BACKGROUND

Here, one need to consider the historical background of your Spouse’

a.      Family Faith status.

b.      Health Status of all in the family.

c.      Moral ratings of all in the family.

d.      Ethnicity of the family.

e.      Family vocation.

f.       Name of the Family. Etc.

PERSONAL PREFERENCE AND INTEREST.

a.      Preferred educational attainment of a spouses.

b.      Complexion.

c.      Height.

d.      Ethnicity.

e.      Color of the Hair.

f.       Vocation/Trade.

g.      Stature.

h.      Etc.

PHYSICAL ATTACTION.

a.      Standard of physical fitness.

b.      Etc.

 

HOW TO LOOK FOR A PARTNER?

You must first know what is involved in Marriage, Prov. 12:4; With Prayers, Prov. 18:22; Examining yourself first, Matt. 7:1-6; Studying the Bible to know the will of God in marriage; and being careful not to “remove the landmarks of marriage”.

a.      Look in right places.

b.      Look patiently. Heb. 10:36

c.      Look objectively. 2Tim. 3:13; James 1: 22

d.      Look with right perspective. Prov. 8:32

e.      Look prayerfully. Is. 55:8-9

f.       Be careful, do not deceive yourself.

 

C.     COURTSHIP STAGE.

SELF-CHECKLIST.

a.      Consider whether both are ready to make a lifelong commitment.

b.      Consider whether both are ready to make adjustments. James 5:11

c.      Consider whether both are having basic life skills to live together.

d.      Consider what each can offer to the union. 1Tim. 5:8

e.      Consider structural compatibility, and tolerance level.

f.       Since the nature of love at this stage must still be purely “agape”, consider the stability of your sexual emotions. Do not give space!

 

D.     WEDDING CEREMONY STAGE.

TYPES OF WEDDING CEREMONY.

There is no specific ceremony approved for Christians in the Holy Bible.

a.      Any kind of ceremony adopted must be such that gives the Glory to God, the Almighty.

b.      Cultures and Customs are good, but Marriage is not rooted in customs and cultures.

c.      Civil Laws in Marriages. Since Marriage must be acceptable to the civil standards, we must ensure that our marriages are acceptable to the law of the Land.

d.      Not all acceptable marriages (to the civil Law), are acceptable to the divine standard of GOD!

e.      It is only after this, could the Couple exercise “EROS” Love, on the Bed, so that the two can actually become “One Flesh”.

MIXED MARRIAGES  

INTERRELIGIOUS MARRIAGE: An interreligious marriage, is defined as a marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian (e.g. a marriage between a Christian and a Jew, a Traditionalist or a Muslim).

INTERDENOMINATIONAL MARRIAGE: An interdenominational marriage is between members of two different Christian denominations, such as a Lutheran Christian wedding a Catholic Christian.

INTERFAITH MARRIAGE: An interfaith Marriage is between members of a Christian faith with another, who does not share the same Christian faith. Especially when one of the Christian faith does not support the other faith.

Many Bible churches make allowances for interfaith marriages, and they reference 1Corinthians 7:14–15.

 Other Bible churches caution against mixed marriages, citing verses of the Bible, such as            2 Corinthians 6:14–15.

QUESTIONS TO HIGHLIGHT THE EVILS OF MIXED MARRIAGE.

a.      WHO JOINS IN THE MIXED MARRIAGE?

b.      WHO ARE THE IN-LAWS, IN A MARRIAGE BETWEEN A CHILD OF GOD, AND A CHILD OF SATAN?

c.      WHICH COVENANT OF RELATIONSHIP WOULD THEY EMBRACE AT HOME, ESPECIALLY WITH “LOVE AND SUBMISSION”.

d.      HOW TO REAR CHILDREN? EPH. 6:4; COL. 3:21

e.      LIKELY COMPLICATIONS AT THE DEPATURE OF A PARTY. 1COR. 7:10-11.

f.       HOW WOULD A NON-CHRISTIAN BE A COMPARABLE HELPER?

g.      DO WE HAVE ANY APPROVED EXAMPLE, IN THE BIBLE? COL. 3:17.

h.      THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH, HOW COULD THESE BECOME ONE FLESH INDEED?

i.        MAKING THE UNWASHED, AND UN-SANCTIFIED TO GOD, AS A CO-TRAVELLER ON THE WAY?

j.        COULD THIS NOT BE A CASE OF LOST FAITH, BY THE CHRISTIAN?

k.      COULD A PREACHER WHO MARRIED A NON-CHRISTIAN BE AN EFFECTIVE PREACHER?

l.        COULD ONE WHO MARRIED A NON-CHRISTIAN BE AN ELDER?

m.    “I WILL MARRY, AND THEN, I WILL CONVERT HIM/HER”. THE PATH OF TRUE CONVERSION IS BY GENUINE FAITH, NOT BY MARRIAGE!

 

E.     MARRIAGE STAGE.

 

RESPONSIBILITIES OF THE HUSBAND.

a.      Husband must love (Agape) their own Wife above all.

b.      Husband must honor their Wife.

c.      Must provide for their own home.

d.      Must live with the family.

e.      Must bring up Children with love.

f.       Must set good examples for the Children, and the family.

g.      Must protect family from external danger and aggression.

h.      Must use wisdom to relate with Wife.

i.        Must lead his family spiritually before God.

j.        Must render due benevolence to Wife.

k.      Must submit to Wife, also.

l.        Must have basic skills of parenting.

m.    Must rule his home well.

n.      Must recognize that God ordains and make laws for the Marriage.

o.      Must ensure to run the Christian race together with the family.

p.      Must assume the leadership role, as a Head of the body.

q.      Must not expose Wife’s weakness to anyone.

r.       Must not cheat on the Wife.

 

RESPONSIBILITIES OF THE WIFE.

a.      Must love Husband above all.

b.      Must love her Children.

c.      Must be obedient to her own Husband.

d.      Must submit to her Husband.

e.      Must be a helper in the home.

f.       Must also have the basic skills of parenting.

g.      Must render due affection to husband.

h.      Must be a covering for her husband

i.        Must rule her children very well.

j.        Must see her husband as her Lord.

k.      Must accompany her husband to run the Christian race.

l.        Must set good examples for the children.

m.    If Husband is not in the faith, she must work for his salvation.

n.      Must honor husband.

o.      Must take decisions with her husband.

p.      Must be a House-keeper.

q.      Must recognize that God ordains marriage and set the rules.

r.       Must live together with Husband.

 

F.      DEATH OF A SPOUSE STAGE.

 

This is not an enviable stage in life.

However, what is the will of God, in this circumstances?

Read romans 7:1-4

1 ¶ Do you not know, brethren (for I speak to those who know the law), that the law has dominion over a man as long as he lives?

2 For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband.

3 So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.

4 Therefore, my brethren, you also have become dead to the law through the body of Christ, that you may be married to another--to Him who was raised from the dead, that we should bear fruit to God.

 

The bond of marriage ends with the death of a Marriage Partner.

Hence, the surviving Partner is authorized to remarry.

To the “Younger Widow(er)” they are commanded to remarry. 1Timothy 5:11-14.

Then, if any wants to remarry, he/she must begin the stages of Qualification; Choice; Courtship; Wedding; and Marriage again.

To the Widow, or Widower, they are commanded to marry only in the Lord. 1Cor. 7:39.

 

G.     DIVORCE STAGE:

 

All things relating to this stage, in a marriage, shall be discussed under the next heading, so as to avoid unnecessary repetitions.

 

DIVORCE.

We must discuss the meaning of this word, in the context of the Word of God, only:

01.   Matthews 5:31-32NKJV "Furthermore it has been said, 'whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce’. But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.”

Conclusions from this statement:

a.      The provisions of the Law of Moses, with regards to “Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage” is no longer binding!

b.      This statement acknowledges that there may be many reasons to make one to contemplate divorcing a Partner. However, the only justifiable reason to divorce a Partner must be because of sexual immorality. Here, Jesus Christ commanded an “exceptive-clause”. The ONLY reason.

c.      Any separation, putting-away, or divorce not specifically based on this permissible reason (sexual immorality), is not right in the sight of GOD.

d.      Therefore, any party who put asunder what God has joined together, commit a sin of “Transgression”, and any kind of remarriage based on this foundation is also in error.

e.      None of the Partners who separate, except for an exposed sin of Adultery, could remarry.

f.       Anybody, a third Party, who marries anyone, who is not scripturally divorced, has also committed a sin of Adultery/Fornication.

 

02.   Mark 10:11-12 "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery."

Conclusions from this statement:

a.      Here, Jesus Christ was responding to a specific question from the Pharisees, in verse 2.

b.      Jesus reiterated the permanence of Marriage.

c.      The core of Jesus’ statement here, is in the 9^th verse: “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."  Jesus made this statement to correct the earlier allowance by Moses that each Partner can decide to terminate a marriage.

            

03.   Luke 16:18 "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.”

Conclusions from this statement:

a.      Jesus was making some rules and commands with respect to Law, the Prophets, and the termination and expiration of both. Read verse 15: “For what is highly esteemed among men is an abomination in the sight of God.”  

b.      Jesus Christ restore the sanctity of Marriage.

c.      Jesus forbids divorce and remarriages based on human judgments and human considerations.

REMARRIAGE.

 

Matthews 19:9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."

Conclusions from this statement:

a.      Just like in the account of Matthews 5:31-32, Jesus permitted remarriage.

b.      The authority of Jesus Christ allowed remarriage of an innocent Party, in a case of divorce, based on a proven, and established case of Adultery. Until Adultery is established, none of the Parties in the Marriage has the authority to remarry.

c.      Whosoever marries a guilty Party, in an established case of sexual sin, commits sin also.

d.      Please be careful. Jesus Christ authorizes remarriage of an innocent Party, in this case, He did not command remarriage. Meaning that, an innocent Party could still, with good conscience forgive, the guilty Party. It is not mandatory to divorce a guilty Party. It is also not mandatory, to remarry, after a divorce of a guilty Party. The innocent Party may decide to remain, till death. Read verses 11-12.

e.      In all your decisions, remember:

(i)                The Contributory damages to the Children.

(ii)              The Command of Forgiveness. Mark 11:25; Eph. 4:32; Col. 3:12-15.

(iii)             The Optimum need to restore, and save the erring Partner. 1Cor. 7: 10-14.

WHAT FOUNDATION MUST YOUR HOME BE BUILT UPON?

                                                       "Therefore whosoever hears these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I liken him unto a wise man, who built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock…”    Matthew 7: 24-27.

 

Thanks for this opportunity. I appreciate it.

 

By Benson Omole, working with The Church of Christ Ekute Quarters Ado Ekiti, Nigeria. (+234-806-006-6660).