TEN SIGNS TO SHOW A MAN LACKS INTEGRITY.

TEN SIGNS TO SHOW A MAN LACKS INTEGRITY, ACCORDING TO PSYCHOLOGY

-By Tina Fey

Integrity can be a little elusive – it’s all about actions, not words. A man of integrity walks the talk and shows consistency between his words and deeds.

Psychology offers us a pretty clear roadmap to identifying those who lack this crucial trait. And it’s not as tricky as you might think.

In this piece, I’ll be walking you through 10 telltale signs that a man lacks integrity, straight from the insights of psychology.

Let’s get started:

 1) Inconsistency between words and actions.

Integrity is all about alignment – a harmony between what one says and what one does.

However, when a man lacks integrity, this consistency goes out the window. His words don’t match his actions, and this discrepancy can be quite telling.

According to renowned psychologist Carl Jung, “You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.” This quote beautifully encapsulates the essence of integrity.

A man without integrity might promise the world but fails to deliver. He says one thing and does another. This inconsistency is a clear sign that he isn’t walking his talk.

This sign is often subtle and requires keen observation. But once you spot it, it becomes a glaring red flag that can’t be ignored. So watch out for those actions – they speak louder than words.

 2) Lack of accountability

Integrity is closely tied to accountability. A man with integrity owns up to his mistakes. He doesn’t point fingers, make excuses or blame circumstances. Instead, he takes responsibility and makes amends.

I remember an instance from my owne life when I was dealing with a colleague who lacked this trait. We were working on a project together, and when things didn’t go as planned, he was quick to shift the blame onto me. He refused to accept his share of responsibility, even though we had both contributed to the project’s shortcomings.

This behavior reminded me of a quote from Bryon Katie: “Taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them.”

But my colleague was not ready for such self-reflection. His refusal to accept accountability was a stark sign of his lack of integrity. 

When a man constantly evades responsibility and blames others, it’s a clear sign that her lacks integrity.

 3) Dishonesty and deception

When it comes to integrity, honesty is non-negotiable. A man who habitually lies, cheats, or misrepresents the truth clearly lacks integrity.

Let’s be brutally honest here – we’ve all come across such individuals, haven’t we? Those who would rather spin a web of lies than face the truth. Those who hide behind layers of deception and dishonesty, shielding their true selves from the world.

It’s painful, it’s frustrating, but it’s a glaring sign of a lack of integrity.

As Sigmund Freud once said, “He that has eyes to see and ears to hear may convince himself that no mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore.”

Keep your eyes open. Look beyond the words. The lies and deception might be hidden, but they leave traces. And those traces are a clear indication of a lack of integrity.

 4) Lack of empathy

Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is a key feature of a man of integrity. A lack of empathy, on the other hand, is ar clear sign that he may be lacking in this department.

I recall a friend who would always put his needs and desires above everyone else’s. He never seemed to understand or care about how his actions affected others. It was always about him and him alone.

This brought to mind the words of the renowned psychologist Daniel Goleman: “Empathy and social skills are social intelligence, the interpersonal part of emotional intelligence. That’s why they look alike.”

My friend’s lack of empathy was not only disappointing but also a clear red flag that he lacked integrity.

If a man seems unconcerned about others’ feelings and focuses solely on his own, it might be a sign he lacks integrity.

 5) Overconfidence and arrogance

It might seem counterintuitive, but overconfidence and arrogance can often be a sign of a lack of integrity. A truly confident man doesn’t need to constantly assert his superiority or belittle others to boost his own ego.

I’m reminded of a quote by Alfred Adler, a well-known psychologist: “The neurotic is nailed to the cross of his fiction.” Sometimes, people project an inflated image of themselves to hide their insecurities or shortcomings. This can often lead to arrogance and overconfidence.

A man of integrity is self-assured but humble. He respects others and doesn’t need to make himself feel better at the expense of others.

If you encounter someone who always needs to be the smartest person in the room, it might be a sign that he lacks integrity.

 6) Disrespect for boundaries

Respecting boundaries, both physical and emotional, is a significant sign of integrity. A man without integrity often oversteps these boundaries without any regard for the comfort or consent of others.

Renowned psychologist Brene Brown once said, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”

A man with integrity understands this and respects the boundaries set by others.

On the contrary, if a man repeatedly infringes upon your personal space or disregards your feelings and comfort, it’s a clear indication of a lack of integrity.

Watch out for this sign – it speaks volumes about a person’s character.

 7) Unfair treatment of others

A man with integrity treats everyone with fairness and respect, regardless of their status or relationship with him.

I’ve seen people who act very differently depending on who they’re dealing with. They might be extremely courteous to their boss but dismissive and rude to the office cleaning staff. This selective respect is a clear sign of a lack of integrity.

As Martin Luther King Jr., a man who deeply understood human psychology, once said, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

A man lacking integrity does not stand up to this measure. He treats people unequally, showing respect only when it benefits him.

If a man’s treatment of others changes based on their status or what they can offer him, it’s a glaring sign of a lack of integrity.

 8) Refusal to apologize

We all make mistakes – it’s only human. But a man with integrity isn’t afraid to admit his faults and apologize sincerely. On the contrary, a man who lacks integrity often refuses to apologize, even when he’s clearly in the wrong.

It’s a harsh reality – nobody likes admitting they were wrong. It’s uncomfortable, it’s humbling, and it’s often easier to just brush it under the rug.

But as renowned psychologist Carl Rogers said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Accepting our mistakes is the first step towards making amends and growing as individuals.

A man without integrity misses out on this crucial aspect of personal growth. He’d rather deny his mistakes than face them head-on. 

 9) Overly defensive behavior

This might be counterintuitive, but overly defensive behavior can often signal a lack of integrity. A man with integrity is open to criticism and uses it as a tool for self-improvement. However, a man without integrity is quick to become defensive, viewing any critique as a personal attack.

Dr. Harriet Lerner, a renowned psychologist, once said, “Defensiveness is usually someone’s attempt to protect themselves from feeling uncomfortable or experiencing some form of perceived threat.”

A man of integrity can handle uncomfortable truths and doesn’t see the need to defend himself at every turn. On the other hand, if a man is continuously on the defensive and can’t handle criticism, it could be an indication of his lack of integrity.

 10) Frequent victim mentality

Have you ever met someone who is always the victim in their stories? Someone who constantly feels the world is against them? This “woe is me” attitude is a common trait in people who lack integrity.

I once knew a guy who would always paint himself as the victim, no matter the situation. Even when he was clearly at fault, he would twist the narrative to make it seem like he was the one being wronged.

This reminded me of what famed psychologist Albert Ellis said, “The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”

A man with integrity acknowledges his role in his problems and doesn’t resort to playing the victim. So if a man you know often portrays himself as a constant victim, it might be a sign that he lacks integrity.